luni, 6 octombrie 2008

Monday

I didn't work in my garden after all. It was pouring down like mad yesterday! Instead, we took a long walk in the afternoon. It smelled of fall, crispy and foggy, like somebody was burning dried leaves somewhere on a hill. The streets looked so pictoresque, with redish trees, coloured leaves on the ground, brick houses...it felt clean and it was beautiful.

i like fall.

sâmbătă, 4 octombrie 2008

Saturday

there is nothing better than to wake up on a Saturday morning and KNOW...the alarm is not going to go off and you don't have to go to work. No rush to be anywhere, no freezing at the bus stop. Instead, you will enjoy a cup of good coffee, sitting on your couch and looking out the window at the cold morning sun of an October day.

My boyfriend told me today that fall is one of his favorite seasons...not that you have much choice in UK...there is chilly weather and loads of rain...and then there is cold weather and rain again :)

But still, come to think of it and leaving cold aside, there is nothing like the smell of fall, the crispy air... the sound of cracking leaves under your feet...the pastel colors...and if it rains so what? you close the garden door and watch the rain drops trickling while you hold your warm coffee mug and cuddle in warm blankets.

it kind of reminds me of childhood, the first few days of school the chestnut trees aligned on each side of the road. I can smell the air, see the leaves color and feel the cold rain on my chicks. And all around me, loads of happy children chattering away on their way to class. it was ages ago...but feels like yesterday.

I promised myself I would do some gardening tomorrow, plant a few yellow daffodils and white tulips. This should be a first :) the only gardening experience I ever had was weeding my grandmother's flower beds when I was a kid. and i wasn't any good because i lacked the necessary patience. So this is advantageous and exciting! hope it won't rain too much. this would definitely kill my enthusiasm.

miercuri, 1 octombrie 2008

why??????????

you want to always be safe... reality check: there is no such thing...

you want to be always funny and witty and cool and cool again...but how do you do it? you want to be peaceful and happy and worry free...the more you struggle, the more you are the opposite.

Fear is the slow and painful death of the joy of living, of the belief that you are the best thing that ever happened to you. we fear nobody loves us, we fear we are being lied to, we fear our rating is falling and we won't be somebody's favourite friend. we fear we will not be considered interesting, beautiful, intelligent, lovable.

in a world where everything is moving fast, where people come and go...how do you keep your cool? how do you keep your friends? ...how do you deal with fear? how do you ignore it? meditation, self confidence workshops? has anybody ever written a book about how to ignore your fear of not being?

why are we always so unhappy with ourselves? why do we think that the person next to us is better just because their hair is black and long or curly and blond? we go through great lenghts to please just because we fear ending up alone and lonely...and it's sad because we are beautiful creatures, each in our own way. but we get bored with ourselves and with eachother. and we move to the next one thinking that they have something better to offer. We are using ourselves over and over again without even realising we are One, the same flow of energy in different forms.

We cheat on our girlfriends and boyfriends, but we actually cheat on ourselves. we think we're bored and that we need new excitements in our lives, just because what we had until now is not good enough for us. we want a new car, even though we have a perfectly good one. we throw out clothes, shoes, movies, we throw out our old lives just because we got bored with it. we dessert firends, we move places looking forward to the next thrill. a superficial world where attachment and love are overrated.